Is there such a thing as giving too much?
I have penned it time and again how I enjoy to see the smile on a persons face when they receive a gift or are grateful for what you have done for them in your physical capacity.
I have always been a giver.
When I was a little girl I loved setting the dinner table with beautifully folded napkins just to see granny’s face when she walked into the kitchen. I used to watch waitrons meticulously fold napkins and I would try to do what they did.
As I got older I would tidy up for my mom, put a self picked and designed bouquet in the lounge and wait for her response.
I was a huge people pleaser. I really cared how everyone felt and would make sure that everyone was treated equally and all in my over-the-top, hand made card, sentimental fashion.
When my grandparents were ill I would move into their house and listen adeptly to doctors and learn as much as I could about whatever their ailments were.
I can still tell you today that when Gramps suddenly couldn’t see one morning and was diagnosed with Glaucoma, that the procedure done to correct this was called a pheripheral iridectimy.
When Granny had her stroke I learned her physio exercises and helped her do them correctly so she would build her strength properly.
Then I got married.
I married a man, who I think has a mother who is the grinch personified. Over the years I have struggled along to get this man of mine to part take in birthday’s. In the back of my mind I wonder if any moment in his childhood was dressed up just a little to make that day memorable.
I am determined to conquer the beast and with a glint in my eye I will succeed.
Yes, I even tried to turn the grinch herself, but to no avail. What ever I tried just wasn’t good enough for madame grinch. I can’t even find it within my self to capitalise the word grinch, her less than enthusiastic, forced smile comes to mind and I wonder why I even bothered to make my self fit in her unashamedly, self centered family.
Giving and making everyone feel wonderful had become a tedious job.
Experiences last year really tipped the scales for me and made me change my entire attitude to giving.
My daughter had been chosen to dance in a theatre performance and I begged and pleaded with family to attend. To me this performance was a big deal. My little Fairy had worked really hard and I had learned about being a backstage make up, costume donning mom. As much as the whole experience was exhilarating, I was very disappointed at the to and fro, yes we will be there, … … NO we won’t… … … … Ah, yes we will, … … … NO…. … … …yes… … … … … …NO, yes NO yes NO yes NO yes NO yes… OH for heavens sake – make your mind up!
This is the point I said to myself – you know what, YOU my dear have your kids, you have a husband of your own.
You can’t have this topsy, turvy, undecided, its all about them nonsense in your life.
Its about YOU.
Its about YOUR children.
Its about YOUR husband.
If it is such a big deal to get people to spend precious time with you; why bother?
So I changed my life.
I became more focused on me and improving my health. I volunteered at the pav feral feeding scheme which has been far more fulfilling than people pleasing.
I have a new project which I still cannot mention – for that you will have to keep watching this space! 🙂
…and people, people come second to my husband and children, to my health, to what makes me most happy.
I now invite people to join us but I don’t do it to make them feel special. If people arrive or not is not what is important.
What is important is that good memories were made, and the people who were there, attended because they wanted to be there. Bonds were grown and unexpected moments didn’t just make a day special – they made a day spectacular!
So, I am still a giver. I just give mostly to my kids. I enjoy seeing their happy faces.
I have realised that it isn’t my job to make everyone happy. Its my job to live my life and make the most of every moment that is thrown at me.
I am happy. I am happy my life is busy and fulfilling. Whether people choose to be part of my happiness or not, is up to them.
And my life is a little less complicated…. 🙂
Let me know what you think.
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