Things My Mother Taught Me.

image from google images

image from google images

My mother taught me to APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE

– “If you’re going kill
each other, do it outside – I just finished cleaning!”

My mother taught me RELIGION

– “You better pray that will come out of the
carpet.”

My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL

– “If you don’t straighten up, I’m
going to knock you into the middle of next week!”

My Mother taught me LOGIC

– “Because I said so, that’s why.”

– “If you fall off that swing and break your neck, you can’t go to the store with me.”

My mother taught me FORESIGHT

– “Make sure you wear clean underwear, in
case you’re in an accident.”

– “If you don’t pass your spelling test, you’ll never get a good job!”

My mother taught me IRONY

– “Keep crying and I’ll give you something to cry
about.”

My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS

– “Shut your mouth and eat
your supper!”

My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM

– “Will you just look at the dirt
on the back of your neck!”

My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS

– “If I yelled because I
saw a meteor coming toward you; would you listen THEN?

My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY

– “If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a million times – Don’t Exaggerate!!!”

My mother taught me about THE CIRCLE OF LIFE

– “I brought you into this
world, and I can take you out.”

My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION

– “Stop acting like your
father!”

My mother taught me about STAMINA

– “You’ll sit there ’til all that
spinach is finished.”

My mother taught me about WEATHER

– “It looks as if a tornado swept through your room.”

My mother taught me about ENVY

– “There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do!”

My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION

– At the shops: “Just wait until we get home.”

– At home: “Just wait until your father gets home.”

My Mother taught me about RECEIVING

– “You are going to get it when we get home!”

My Mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE

– “If you don’t stop crossing your
eyes, they are going to freeze that way.”

My Mother taught me ESP

– “Put your sweater on; don’t you think that I know when you’re cold?”

My Mother taught me HUMOR

– “When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me.”

My Mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT

– “If you don’t eat your
vegetables, you’ll never grow up.”

My Mother taught me about SEX

– “How do you think you got here?”

My Mother taught me about GENETICS

– “You’re just like your father.”

My Mother taught me about my ROOTS

– “Do you think you were born in a
barn?”

My Mother taught me about the WISDOM OF AGE

– “When you get to be my age,
you will understand.”

My Mother taught me TO MEET A CHALLENGE

– “What were you thinking?
– Answer me when I talk to you –
Don’t talk back to me!”

Among all the things my mother taught me, my all time favourite is JUSTICE

– “One day you’ll have kids and I hope they turn out just like YOU then you’ll see what it’s like.!”

If you are in need of further laughter you have to read It was your rack that saved you or Shut the Fucupcakes

If you have a great funny you would like to see here on a Friday… Mail it to me on stuffdidoodles@gmail.com or post it in the comments. If you make me laugh, consider it posted! 🙂

Please do me a huge favour and comment on this post with your jokes, share this post from one of the links below, or simply give me a thumbs up and like this post or the Di Doodles Facebook Page, follow me on Twitter or add your email address above or check the box below and have up coming posts delivered to your email so you never miss a Friday Funny again.

AND THANK YOU for stopping by!!

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About Di

Di believes that the most important and most fulfilling “job” she has is being a mom of two. She is an animal communicator. Her greatest passion is animals and their welfare. She enjoys writing about animals and topics to help others with their spiritual growth.

Posted on January 2, 2013, in Funnies and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

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