Plethora of funnies

Now that I’m older here’s what I’ve discovered:

1. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

2. My wild oats are mostly enjoyed with prunes and all-bran.

3. I finally got my head together, and now my body is falling apart.

4. Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded.

5. Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded.

image from google images

image from google images

A couple goes on a vacation to a fishing resort in Northern Alberta. The husband likes to fish at the crack of dawn. The wife likes to read. One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors and continues to read her book. Along comes a game warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, “Good morning Ma’am. What are you doing?”

“Reading a book,” she replies, (thinking “isn’t that obvious?”) “You’re in a restricted fishing area,” he informs her. “I’m sorry officer, but I’m not fishing. I’m reading.”

“Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I’ll have to take you in and write you up.”

“If you do that, I’ll have to charge you with sexual assault,” says the woman. “But I haven’t even touched you,” says the game warden. “That’s true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment.”

“Have a nice day Ma’am,” and he left…

MORAL OF THE STORY :
Never argue with a woman who reads. It’s likely she can think also.

image from google images

image from google images

I was at the swimming pool today & decided to have a sneaky pee in the deep end. The life-guard must have noticed. He blew his whistle so frigging loud I nearly fell in!

found doing a rotation on FB. Typically SA funny

found doing a rotation on FB. Typically SA funny

A German woman married an American gentleman born in Virginia and they lived happily ever after in his home town.

The poor lady was not very proficient in English, but did manage to communicate with her husband. The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries.

One day, she went to the butcher counter and wanted to buy chicken legs. She didn’t know how to put forward her request, so, in desperation, clucked like a chicken and lifted up her skirt to show her thighs. Her butcher got the message and gave her the chicken legs.

Next day she needed to get chicken breasts, again she didn’t know how to say
it, so she clucked like a chicken and unbuttoned her blouse to show the
butcher her breasts. The butcher understood again and gave her some chicken
breasts.

On the 3rd day, the poor lady needed to buy sausages. Unable to find a way to communicate this, she brought her husband to the store…
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What were you Thinking?

Her husband speaks English….hellooo!

I worry about you Sometimes!

And last but not least…

Life really boils down to 2 questions…
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1. Should I get a dog…..?

OR…
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2. Should I have children?

I have kids, cats and a dog – sucker for punishment maybe? LOL 😉

If you are in need of further laughter you have to read It was your rack that saved you or Giving a cat a pill

If you have a great funny you would like to see here on a Friday… Mail it to me on stuffdidoodles@gmail.com or post it in the comments. If you make me laugh, consider it posted! 🙂

Please do me a huge favour and comment on this post with your jokes, share this post from one of the links below, or simply give me a thumbs up and like this post or the Di Doodles Facebook Page, follow me on Twitter or Pinterest or add your email address above or check the box below and have up coming posts delivered to your email so you never miss a Friday Funny again.

AND THANK YOU for stopping by!!

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About Di

Di believes that the most important and most fulfilling “job” she has is being a mom of two. She is an animal communicator. Her greatest passion is animals and their welfare. She enjoys writing about animals and topics to help others with their spiritual growth.

Posted on February 3, 2013, in Funnies and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

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