Long awaited Laugh
New Drugs For MEN Created By WOMEN Scientists
————— ————— ————— ————-
SLIMOXIL: Widens Male Cornea Making Wives Appear Slim.
FLIRTONATE-N: It Reduces Vision Whenever A Pretty girl passes by.
SHOPHOFOBEX: Makes Men Eager To Take Wives For Shopping Every Week And Wait Patiently.
ANIVERSIA: Triggers Memories for Birthdays and Anniversaries.
SPORTOBLIND X: Reacts With optic Nerve To Prevent Men From Recognising The Word “Sports” On TV.
WORKOCETAMOL: Generates an Insatiable Desire In Men To Do Household Chores
In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life. IT GOES ON.
Accept that some days you’re the pigeon, and some days you’re the statue.
There are two things to aim at in life: first to get what you want and, after that, to enjoy it. Only the wisest of mankind achieve the second.
There is no right way to do the wrong thing.
The best vitamin for making friends: B1.
Knowledge is like a garden; if it is not cultivated, it cannot be harvested.
If you can’t be the tablecloth, don’t be the dishrag.
I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn’t looking good either.
I don’t have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.
Am I getting smart with you? ….How would you know?
You’re slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.
Never tell everything you know.
I’d explain it to you, but your brain would explode.
Tell me what you need, and I’ll tell you how to get along without it.
Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.
Everybody is somebody else’s weirdo.
There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives.
………A woman goes into Cabela’s to buy a rod and reel for her grandson’s birthday. She doesn’t know which one to get, so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter. The clerk was standing behind the counter wearing dark glasses. She says to him, “Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything about this Rod and reel?”
He says, “Ma’am, I’m completely blind; but if you’ll drop it on the counter, I can tell you everything from the sound it makes.” She doesn’t believe him but drops it on the counter anyway. He says, “That’s a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco
404 reel and 10-LB. test line. It’s a good all-around combination, and it’s on sale this week for only $20.00.”
She says, “It’s amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I’ll take it! As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor.
“Oh, that sounds like a Master Card,” he says.
She bends down to pick it up…and accidentally farts. At first she is really embarrassed, but then realizes there is no way the blind clerk could tell it was her who tooted. Being blind, he wouldn’t know that she was the only person around?
The man rings up the sale and says, “That’ll be $34.50 please.”
The woman is totally confused by this and asks, “Didn’t you tell me the rod and reel were on sale for $20.00? How did you get $34.50?”
He replies, “Yes, ma’am. The rod and reel is $20.00, but the Duck Call is $11.00, and the Catfish Bait is $3.50.”
She paid it and left without saying a word.
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