Time for that DOUBLE
The Obedient Wife
There was a man, who had worked all his life, had saved all of his money,
And was a real miser when it came to his money.
Just before he died, he said to his wife…’When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me.
I want to take my money to the afterlife with me.’
And so he got his wife to promise him, with all of her heart. Well, he died.
He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there – dressed in black, and her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony, and just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said,
‘Wait just a moment!’
She had a small metal box with her; she came over with the box and put it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down and they rolled it away.
So her friend said,
‘Girl, I know you were not foolish
enough to put all that money in there with your husband.’
The loyal wife replied,
I cannot go back on my word. I promised him.’
You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him!?!?!?’
‘I sure did,’ said the wife.
‘I got all the money together, put it into my account, and wrote him a cheque….
If he can cash it, then he can spend it.’
To do list
1. Make vanilla pudding. Put in mayo jar. Eat in public.
2. Hire two private investigators. Get them to follow each other.
3. Wear a shirt that says “life”. Hand out lemons on street corner.
4. Get into a crowded elevator and say “I bet you’re all wondering why I gathered you here today.”
5. Major in philosophy. Ask people WHY they would like fries with that.
6. Run into a store, ask what year it is. When someone answers, yell “IT WORKED!” and run out cheering.
7. Become a doctor. Change last name to Acula.
8. Change name to Simon. Speak in third person.
9. Adopt a parrot. Teach the parrot to say “Help! I’ve been turned into a parrot.”
10. Follow joggers around in your car blasting “Eye of the tiger for encouragement”.
I tried to catch some fog. I mist.
When chemists die, they barium.
PMS jokes aren’t funny. Period.
Class trip to the Coca – Cola factory. I hope there’s no pop quiz.
I know a guy who’s addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.
Energiser bunny arrested. Charged with battery.
How does Moses make tea? Hebrews it.
I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
I’m reading a book about anti gravity. I cant put it down.
When you get a bladder infection urine trouble.
I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me!
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
Broken pencils are pointless.
If you are in need of further laughter enjoy last weeks Funnies for parents
Or the top rated joke in DDAS STATS
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