Satan in law and her “call when we want something” Spawn
Last week The Fish and I successfully reached our 14th year of marriage.
Now, I don’t know if it was Mercury’s retrograde, The Fish’s mood or simply my mind running away with me – but I was gutted.
I sat emotionally slumped. I couldn’t write I couldn’t work, so I turned on the TV. I very rarely watch TV during the day any more. I made popcorn and the slightest emotion on the screen had me blubbering. I continued to think how I deserved a medal for putting up with s#it especially from the monster in laws. S#it being the operative word here.
Of course I “chewed on the problem until it had no flavour left and then stuck it in my hair.” until the weekend arrived when a spawn of Satan in law, called The Fish. I knew immediately that the Spawn in question only wanted something. The Fish’s words about the matter were “Don’t know – Don’t care” and I couldn’t be happier.
I went on a little fact finding mission and found out through a mutual friend that said Spawn is returning to South Africa. Spawn expects her brother – who she hasn’t spoken to in years – to ensure lifts from the airport; a place to stay; a job for her husband and her dog would be returning as well so he needed a place to stay too. I suspect that carting for Satan in law would also be required.
I deliberated over whether I should blog about this and then this morning I decided that it was time to take my opportunity for healing and close that part of my life. Move on.
This is the reduced – vastly reduced story. The horrors my children and I have endured due to these people was never ending.
Their s#it began on our wedding day.
The Fish did not want his family at our wedding. We wanted something small and intimate, so I invited my mom, gran, and brother. We were in agreement that we would invite those who we wanted to attend. The Fish never invited anyone – it was his choice.
The first time we saw Satan in law after the fact her greeting was “Fish! Kitchen!” she complained bitterly about our marriage while I sat quietly in the lounge.
This little incident has left me reeling for years. What I should have done was slapped the alcoholic bitch for her blatant disrespect and left. Instead – for eight – LONG – years of our marriage I put up with the monster in laws. I took their s#it like a good little door mat would.
Needy Satan in law, kept The Fish from spending time from me. At every moment she would call for some or other help. At one stage The Fish drove my car to work and I would rely on him to come home so that I could shop for groceries and items for our growing family. One night My Boy went without routine formula because Satan in Laws demands had to be adhered to. My anger intensified, and I removed the use of my car.
I bought the Spawn things that Satan in law and The Step Father were too incompetent to buy, because they had spent too much time supporting their alcoholic habits in tawdry pubs across Durban. They were quite happy having The Fish and I do for their children what they as parents should have been doing. Long story short, we were enabling them.
I treated the Spawn like my sisters, supported them, welcomed them in my home whenever they wanted to be there, and listened to their complaints about their parents’ non parenting.
I even tried to change Satan in laws feelings towards me. I organised Christmas, Mothers, and birthday gifts. I wrote letters of kindness and did everything possible to make our relationship better and create a “family”. Unfortunately alcoholics are well known not to appreciate a single thing done for them out of kindness – I was therefore sabotaging my own happiness to impress the inconvincible.
The eldest Spawn returned to South Africa for a visit, green with jealousy because I had become quite close to the younger two spawn. I then began to learn that winning this “family” situation was a hopeless cause.
Still I listened to the younger spawn complain about how their sister was a problem in their lives in so many ways. The Fish carted Middle Spawn to work and back, collected her from taxi ranks in the middle of the night and we both supported her through her low self esteem and HIV scare. All this while the eldest Spawn laughed on the phone in England.
Eventually both of the younger spawn migrated to England, and they limited contact with their brother to “WE WANT SOMETHING” calls.
My issue with Satan in law escalated. Her neediness escalated. Even more than she had before – her drunken husband was too in competent to complete husbandly tasks. So The Fish had to run from pillar to post to fulfil her increasingly annoying demands.
I gritted my teeth and visited with him. I hated the fact that the Step Father who I had by then learned from various family members was a convicted child molester. Satan in law dropped the charges due to “love” – so the fiend who should have been behind bars was able to spend time with my children! My children; who I watched like a hawk in his repulsive presence.
One morning early The Step Father collapsed and died. I am not going to lie, I was relieved, and I still think that there is more to that story. I however tried to help where I could, contacted the spawn overseas, informed The Fish about steps Satan in Law would have to take immediately so she wouldn’t be stuck with no cash to live. I also stood in my door mat position and took some more abuse.
The Fish took off days from work, got a loan from work to pay for a cremation, saw to all the details needing to be taken care of – for his step father.
The Spawn began their demands. They never paid a cent towards their biological father’s cremation. They wanted his ashes – there were however delays at the mortuary and a problem with issue of a death certificate. (This also left me wondering if there were “unknowns” with his death). Once again, long story short, The Fish has never seen a cent repaid to him.
The indaba caused a rift.
I had decided to distance myself from his family as their demands were causing friction that I no longer wanted to deal with.
Satan in law was still needy as ever. The Fish would visit and she would cause us to argue. The Fish would drive home drunk – and arrive home argumentative. How I survived having them make me feel like the bad person I honestly have no idea.
I survived though. I put my foot down and I hoped that I had opened The Fish’s eyes to the damage this was doing to our marriage.
Eventually everything came to a head. After Middle Spawn needed a place to stay and The Fish refused. The youngest spawn and her delinquent husband pinned me and named some of my friends as leeches. I learned about Facebook privacy and online bullying as the duo in boxed my entire friend list about how disgusting my friends and I were.
I learned through a mutual friend that all along Satan in law and her Spawn were trying to break up our marriage.
I have not had any contact with them since. It is not in my children or my best interests to keep people like this around.
For 6 years, The Fish has had no contact with the three Spawn. Now that they want something though, he is good enough for contact. All I can say is that I hope with all of my being that he doesn’t invite their nonsense back into our lives. Without them our marriage is better. I can’t say it’s perfect, we definitely argue. Our arguments come nowhere near the magnitude of when Satan in law and her Spawn were instigating our demise.
That doesn’t stop them from attempting contact when they want something.
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