What a girl wants
A few weeks ago, I chatted to Jane Linley Thomas on East Coast Radio’s Work Zone about family. I was as nervous as can be, but ended up loving the adrenaline rush of chatting live on air. Just thinking about it, brings back a taste of the hype.
One thing has stuck with me from the interview until now.
Jane asked me; what I would say to a parent who never had contact with their children.
My reply came to me effortlessly.
“You’re missing out! What are you waiting for? When I look at my children there isn’t a moment that I want to miss out on.”
Those words are a reality to most parents – not so. Our children are the be all and end all. They are pieces of perfection that couldn’t find a residence in our own bodies, so they transformed into our children.
A few nights after my interview, I dreamed of my father. If you’ve read “My Story” you will know that I never met the man. So for me to dream about him, a man I have not met; do not know what he looks like – or sounds like; is strange to say the least.
In the dream he said that he loved me and wanted to “give me the world”; everything I have ever wanted. AND he did. In my dream he gave me the wedding I had always wanted and still wish I had. That is what every girly girl wants – right. They want a day where they are the princess; where everything is perfect and in this perfect day – their dreams come true.
In reality my father wasn’t a “nice guy”. He caused a lot of heart ache for my mother and through arrogance, ignorance, foolishness or fear, left me with a gap in my life. He left me with unanswered questions; apprehension to ask them; and gaps. It’s difficult to put into words really. I am quite happy without him in my life. I don’t harbour any grudges against him either; I mean how could I? I don’t know him at all – to be blatantly honest I have no feelings towards him.
This doesn’t make me wish that I had a real honest to goodness father any less. I don’t want my sperm donor. I want a father who loves me for who I am; who wouldn’t change a hair on my head. I realised that – just this week while my daughter was watching “What a Girl Wants” on DSTV – she has actually watched the movie twice. Both times I sat blubbering when Colin Firth’s character chose Amanda Bynes’ one; when the dad chose his daughter. I still want the fairy tale. Am I crazy for wanting it? Maybe – Maybe not. I am certainly not going to apologise for feeling the way I do.
I want a parent who has my back 100% of the time; like I have with my children. That is what I feel that I missed out on. Although… still I am quite okay without having it. It’s taught me to trust in me; to live my life right; to take responsibility with all the love in my heart; to give 1000% not just a mere 100. I’ve learned that it doesn’t matter that I have two children – I love them both equally and I will fight for both of them with all my might. They are both my “blue eyed children”. I’ve learned that it doesn’t matter who wants to be in their lives, because they will always have my 1000%. I’ve learned that it’s better to let people who hurt you leave your life. Life is too short to keep your hopes up for someone who will never care. It is okay to dream though… if we lose our dreams; we lose a part of ourselves.
So I’ll dream, and I’ll dream big and I’ll hope that you will dream big with me and help our children dream bigger too.
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Posted on March 3, 2014, in Di's Articles, Family, Healing, Inspiration, Parenting, Relationships and tagged children, dreams, East Coast Radio, father, Jane Linley Thomas, love, what a girl wants. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.