Sad Cat and Sad Dog Diary

These are absolutely my favourite videos from BuzzFeed.

And because I love my fans I decided to post one for cat people and one for dog people….

Those who enjoy both – you know what to do 🙂

It is so true to both the cat and dog.

enjoy

Finding The Funny

Once again I am dealing with the aftermath of BULLYING.

I am fuming.

People are irritating me, stupid people who believe that children who are bullied are not victims. They are victims. Victims of abuse!

Any how I am trying to put myself in a good mood which is proving difficult considering the vast amount of stupid people and the few intelligent ones who abhor abuse.

I came across this joke I saved while temporarily working at a certain “glass building” the people there were super and had as a whole had a great sense of humour. You can only imagine the fun we had with these…

ONE POINT DARES:

Ignore the first five people who say ‘good morning’ to you.

Mortifying Moments

A little while ago, I posted on facebook asking people to fess up their “Mortifying Moments” with kids. I got some great responses. As promised, I am sharing these with you… 😉 all I ask in return is that you comment at the bottom of this post and share some snort worthy gems.

From Amy:

“My daughter must have been about 2. We were invited to braai at a colleague of my husband. The wife was very born again Christian. Daughter tripped over their stoep and out came a loud “oh F!!!” There was the most awkward silence.

To put it in context they didn’t have kids, so of course if they had their kids would have been perfect. Never mind that you bottled up your road rage when your kid was little, they still somehow picked up “those” words.”

“Don’t know whose kid it was but my 60-something mom is doing well at Weighless after being asked by a little girl in the queue in Checkers if she had a baby in her tummy (like her heavily pregnant mommy)!”

“Another lol. My sister was about 3 or 4 when she told visitors our father often invited for tea after church that “my mommy hates people coming round after church”.”

From Vanja:

“My eldest sister is obese. Our niece was telling her 5 year old daughter that she couldn’t eat so many sweets/biscuits as otherwise she’d end up like Auntie Chris. So along Chris goes to see Nikki and 5 year old Caitlin immediately say “my Mum said you’re fat”. Poor Nikki wanted the ground to open up!”

From Daria:

“So this friend of my mums during the apartheid times had a three year old daughter, while she was pregnant with her son. So every sonar picture that was in black and white she would show the daughter and say that’s your little brother. When it came to delivery day they were all at the hospital and the daughter turns around and says: “I don’t want a black brother we must go home right now!””

From Claudia:

The kids I au pair: –
“‘ Taxi drivers are retards’ whilst his window is wide open on Beyers Naude, loaded with taxi’s everywhere.

They always ask questions like ‘at what age do you get married’, ‘when do you get a boyfriend’, ‘does everyone have to get married’ etc lol

O and the worst, there’s this homeless guy that sits across their school on the grass. They often loudly ask me ‘is that a hobo?’ Or ‘I’m scared of that hobo, please hold my hand’. Not sure if hears as he looks high/drunk all the time but still embarrassing lol ”

Thank you Ladies for sharing!

And here is my moment – one I created for my mom…

My mom took me to see Dr Marius Hugo and he called someone a “crismis kalkoen”. I was about 5 years old.

Anyway, we went shopping at Cresta and there was a pointsman at the republic road stop street / intersection.

I opened up the back window and shouted at the top of my lungs. “Jou crismis kalkoen!”

My mom had me hiding behind the seat in case he came after us on his bike!! LOL

Now remember to share yours… Its only fair. 😉 and if you don’t have kids you can always tell us what your pets did… Heaven knows they perfectly time these things…

Please, be kind and DO NOT COPY AND PASTE THIS ARTICLE.

“The Copyright Act[3] defines nine classes of work that are eligible for copyright:[4]

literary works – including novels, poems, plays, film scripts, textbooks, ARTICLES, encyclopaedias, reports, speeches, etc….”

rather share this post from one of the links below, or simply give me a thumbs up and like this post or the Di Doodles Facebook Page.

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Pop by News24 Voices and read my featured articles.

Last but not least you can fill in your email addy in the “you have mail” box (in the right hand column or in the bottom right hand corner), click the “follow” button and have up coming posts delivered to your email. *Try it – it’s as good as having your dog bring your newspaper to you in the mornings*

AND THANK YOU for stopping by!!

Waxing 101

This joke was emailed to me by Shereen who said she found it on a general joke page facebook.

Waxing 101

My night began as any other normal week night.

Come home, fix dinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours:

‘Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet. So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom.

It was one of those ‘cold wax’ kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you
peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off.

No mess, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I’m not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out.
(YA THINK!?!)

So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees.

‘Cold wax,’ yeah…right!

I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull. It works!

OK, so it wasn’t the best feeling, but it wasn’t too bad. I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me!

I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.

With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids,
I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting
championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet.

Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my hoo-ha and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (it was a long
strip) I inhale deeply and brace myself….RRRRIIIPPP!!!!

I’m blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!…. OH MY GAWD!!!!!!!!!

Vision returning, I notice that I’ve only managed to pull off half the strip. CRAP! Another deep breath and RIPP! Everything is spinning and spotted.

I think I may pass out…..

must stay conscious…

must stay conscious.

Do I hear crashing drums???

Breathe,

breathe…

OK, back to normal.

I want to see my trophy – a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I
want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair.
I hold up the strip!

There’s no hair on it.

Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX???

Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip…

it’s not!

I touch.

I am touching wax.

I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair. Then I make the next
BIG mistake… remember my foot is still propped upon the toilet? I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down.

Sealed shut! My butt is sealed shut. Sealed shut!

I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself ‘Please don’t let me get the urge to
poop..

My head may pop off!

What can I do to melt the wax?

Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I’ll run the hottest water I can stand, into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered
bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right???

*WRONG!!!!!!!*

I get in the tub – the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilise surgical equipment – I sit.

Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together, is having them glued together and then glued to the
bottom of the tub….

in scalding hot water.

Which, by the way, doesn’t melt cold wax.

So, now I’m stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cemented myself to the porcelain!! God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!!

I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It’s a very good
conversation starter. ‘So, my butt and hoo-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!’

There is a slight pause. She doesn’t know any secret tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me.

She wants to know exactly where the wax is located,

Are we talking cheeks or hoo-ha?’

She’s laughing out loud by now . I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the
box. YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else’s night.

While we go through various solutions. I resort to trying to scrape the wax off with a razor. Nothing feels better than to have
your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!! By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I’m pretty sure I’m going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counselling for this event.

My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace….

the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax.

What do I really have to lose at this point?

I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!!!!

The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my friend. It’s sooo painful, but I really don’t care.

IT WORKS!!

It works!!

I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up. I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and
then notice to my grief and despair…

THE HAIR IS STILL THERE…….

ALL OF IT!

So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I’m numb by now. Nothing hurts. I could have amputated my own leg at this point.

Next week I’m going to try hair colour…… 

If you are in need of further laughter you have to laugh at men trying their luck with Men’s Veet Wax

Or

It was your rack that saved you

or

Long awaited laugh

If you have a great funny you would like to see here on a Friday… Mail it to me on stuffdidoodles@gmail.com or post it in the comments. If you make me laugh, consider it posted! 🙂

Please do me a huge favour and comment on this post with your jokes, share this post from one of the links below, or simply give me a thumbs up and like this post or the Di Doodles Facebook Page, follow me on Twitter or Pinterest or add your email address above or check the box below and have up coming posts delivered to your email so you never miss a Friday Funny again.

AND THANK YOU for stopping by!!

Laugh – its funny…

Rules for Driving in SA

1. Never indicate – it gives away your next move

2. Under no circumstance should you leave a safe distance between you and the car in front of you, this space will be filled by at least 2 taxis and a BMW

3. The faster you drive thru a red light, the less chance you have of getting hit

4. Never, ever come to a complete stop at a stop sign. No one expects it and it will only result in you being rear-ended

5. Speed limits are arbitrary, given only as a guideline. They are especially NOT applicable in South Africa during rush hour. That’s why it’s called ‘rush hour….’

6. Always slow down and rubberneck when you see an accident or even someone changing a tyre. Never stop to help – you will be mugged

7.Learn to swerve abruptly. South Africa is the home of the high-speed slalom driver thanks to the government, placing holes in key locations to test drivers’ reflexes and keep them on their toes

8. Hooting at taxi drivers is a must, whether they stop on the road or at the bus stop, same thing, they ruined your day!

9. When you see an ambulance, sirens on, followed by the towtrucks, gliding through traffic as everyone makes way, by all means get behind it and follow it as long as you can.

10. When pulled over for speeding or any other infringement, make sure your R100 note is visible enough to tempt the officer to maak ‘n plan!

FUNNY SHORT STORIES ON HOW CHILDREN SEE THINGS

First I would like to share a picture posted on my friends They call me mummy Facebook page. she is collecting some mortifying kiddies artwork, like this one…

From they call me mummy… I like to share the funny 😉

and on to the funnies sent in by Gianna

NUDITY

I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, “Mom! That lady isn’t wearing a seat belt!

HONESTY

My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he’d dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it in the garbage. Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my bathroom and came out with my toothbrush. He held it up and said with a charming little smile, “We better throw this one out too then, ’cause it fell in the toilet a few days ago.

KETCHUP

A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup to come out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. “It’s the minister, Mommy,” the child said to her mother. Then she added, “Mommy can’t come to the phone to talk to you right now. She’s hitting the bottle.”

MORE NUDITY

A little boy got lost at a camp site and found himself in the women’s bathroom. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, “What’s the matter haven’t you ever seen a little boy before?”

image from google images

If you are in need of further laughter enjoy last weeks hilarious Waxing 101

Or the top rated joke in DDAS STATS

It was your rack that saved you

If you have a great funny you would like to see here on a Friday… Mail it to me on stuffdidoodles@gmail.com or post it in the comments. If you make me laugh, consider it posted! 🙂

Please do me a huge favour and comment on this post with your jokes, share this post from one of the links below, or simply give me a thumbs up and like this post or the Di Doodles Facebook Page, follow me on Twitter or Pinterest or add your email address above or check the box below and have up coming posts delivered to your email so you never miss a Friday Funny again.

AND THANK YOU for stopping by!!

Long awaited Laugh

New Drugs For MEN Created By WOMEN Scientists

————— ————— ————— ————-

SLIMOXIL: Widens Male Cornea Making Wives Appear Slim.

FLIRTONATE-N: It Reduces Vision Whenever A Pretty girl passes by.

SHOPHOFOBEX: Makes Men Eager To Take Wives For Shopping Every Week And Wait Patiently.

ANIVERSIA: Triggers Memories for Birthdays and Anniversaries.

SPORTOBLIND X: Reacts With optic Nerve To Prevent Men From Recognising The Word “Sports” On TV.

WORKOCETAMOL: Generates an Insatiable Desire In Men To Do Household Chores

image from google images

In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life. IT GOES ON.

Accept that some days you’re the pigeon, and some days you’re the statue.

There are two things to aim at in life: first to get what you want and, after that, to enjoy it. Only the wisest of mankind achieve the second.

There is no right way to do the wrong thing.

The best vitamin for making friends: B1.

Knowledge is like a garden; if it is not cultivated, it cannot be harvested.

If you can’t be the tablecloth, don’t be the dishrag.

I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn’t looking good either.

I don’t have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.

I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.

Am I getting smart with you? ….How would you know?

You’re slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.

Never tell everything you know.

I’d explain it to you, but your brain would explode.

Tell me what you need, and I’ll tell you how to get along without it.

Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.

Everybody is somebody else’s weirdo.

There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives.

LOL

………A woman goes into Cabela’s to buy a rod and reel for her grandson’s birthday. She doesn’t know which one to get, so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter. The clerk was standing behind the counter wearing dark glasses. She says to him, “Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything about this Rod and reel?”

He says, “Ma’am, I’m completely blind; but if you’ll drop it on the counter, I can tell you everything from the sound it makes.” She doesn’t believe him but drops it on the counter anyway. He says, “That’s a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco

404 reel and 10-LB. test line. It’s a good all-around combination, and it’s on sale this week for only $20.00.”

She says, “It’s amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I’ll take it! As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor.

“Oh, that sounds like a Master Card,” he says.

She bends down to pick it up…and accidentally farts. At first she is really embarrassed, but then realizes there is no way the blind clerk could tell it was her who tooted. Being blind, he wouldn’t know that she was the only person around?

The man rings up the sale and says, “That’ll be $34.50 please.”

The woman is totally confused by this and asks, “Didn’t you tell me the rod and reel were on sale for $20.00? How did you get $34.50?”

He replies, “Yes, ma’am. The rod and reel is $20.00, but the Duck Call is $11.00, and the Catfish Bait is $3.50.”

She paid it and left without saying a word.

If you are in need of further laughter you have to read It was your rack that saved you or Plethora of funnies

If you have a great funny you would like to see here on a Friday… Mail it to me on stuffdidoodles@gmail.com or post it in the comments. If you make me laugh, consider it posted! 🙂

Please do me a huge favour and comment on this post with your jokes, share this post from one of the links below, or simply give me a thumbs up and like this post or the Di Doodles Facebook Page, follow me on Twitter or Pinterest or add your email address above or check the box below and have up coming posts delivered to your email so you never miss a Friday Funny again.

AND THANK YOU for stopping by!!

pLaY with words.

Police were called to a day care
where a 3-yr-old was resisting a rest.

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off?
He’s all right now.

image from google images

The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was
Sir Cumference.

To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.

sent by email 😉

The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was
a small medium at large.

A thief who stole a calendar got 12 months.

A thief fell & broke his leg in wet cement.
He became a hardened criminal.

sent by email 😉

A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.

A bicycle can’t stand alone; it is two tired.

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

A backward poet writes inverse.

In a democracy it’s your vote that counts;in feudalism, it’s your Count that votes.

image from google images

A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.

If you don’t pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.

Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft & I’ll show you A-flat miner.

The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.

image from google images

A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France, resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.

You are stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.

A calendar’s days are numbered.

A lot of money is tainted: ‘Taint yours, and ‘taint mine. (‘Taint none of it mine lately!!)

image from google images

A boiled egg is hard to beat.

He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

When you’ve seen one shopping centre, you’ve seen a mall.

When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she’d dye.

sent via email 😉

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses.

Acupuncture: a jab well done

If you are in need of further laughter you have to read It was your rack that saved you or for the ladies

If you have a great funny you would like to see here on a Friday… Mail it to me on stuffdidoodles@gmail.com or post it in the comments. If you make me laugh, consider it posted! 🙂

Please do me a huge favour and comment on this post with your jokes, share this post from one of the links below, or simply give me a thumbs up and like this post or the Di Doodles Facebook Page or add your email address above and have up coming posts delivered to your email, so you never miss a Friday Funny again.

AND THANK YOU for stopping by!!